I came to some startling revelations this weekend. Thus the lack of blogging activity. I have never, in all of my 23 years, enjoyed the thought or the action of change. I told myself that I like the status quo, don’t fix it if it isn’t broken…etc. This weekend however I came to the realization that I am afraid of change. That has got to..well..CHANGE!!! I had all of this tension and I finally figured out what it was. I have been trying to stay the same since I was 20 and what I needed to do was embrace the change.
Dad and I
You might be wondering what I need to change. Well pretty much the only thing I think is safe would be my passion for crafting (mostly because that is healthy) and my marriage. Everything else is subject to reform. I think part of my problem up until now is that I saw all of the things that were wrong and wanted to fix them all at once. When I realized I couldn’t I just decided nothing could be fixed which is a terrible attitude. That is impossible. There I said it. I can’t fix everything all at once. Over the next few months I really want to sit down and evaluate everything in my life, all of the ways in which I handle things, all the habits I have formed and either toss or reform them. It needs to happen. It will happen. However the challenge for me, and this is where Steven comes in, is going to be to take it slowly.
Why now? Why decide to be pro change now? There are several reasons. Kansas so famously sang “All we are is dust in the wind”. That has never been truer or resonated more deeply with me than now. My father is dying, and not in that, we are all dying every minute sort of way. His body is going to give out on him within the year. That gives me perspective that I haven’t recently grasped. I forgot over the last few years that I don’t have forever. I only have the breath I am currently inhaling. That is a pretty powerful motivator to get off my ass and change for the better. Change to be happier with my life, with myself and with my circumstances. I want things in my life. While I no longer want to be an Egyptologist (My seven year old self’s dream), I also don’t want to make below poverty level from here on out. I want a baby, several actually. I want to own my own home. I want to visit Europe. I can’t do any of that until I get my self worked out.
So here I go.
Have a wonderful Monday!