Life changing moments

Ever have a life changing moment? Well I suppose we all have. My latest life changing moment was seeing a tiny little blip on and hearing a tiny little heart beat at the doctors office last month. I’ve sort of been walking around in a state of shock since then, but today I woke up from it just a little bit. This is the reason for my long writing absence. As reasons go I think it is a pretty good one. I’m early yet, just a little over 9 weeks so at this point anything could happen. I’ve learned that no one tells you the real truth about things like pregnancy before you get pregnant.

I wear a lot of hats. I work in children’s ministry, I work as a birthday clown on occasion or a balloon twister, I’m a crafter, I’m a friend, sometimes I’m a wife, I’m a sister, I’m a daughter, I’m a mentor, I’m a babysitter…but mom is not a title I ever thought to achieve. Needless to say I am still adjusting. Oddly enough I am not as worried about when this kid gets here as I am getting through the next seven months. So far I have stayed pretty sick and tired. To be honest being sick and tired all of the time gets a bit old after a while.

I’m not sure where I am going to go from here. Honestly I had a bit of a panic attack at the thought of losing all my feminist, independent, do it my own way street cred (I am laughing a little as I type that). Then I really thought about it and decided that was crap. I’m still going to have to be independent. This kid is relying on me and so far I’m doing this mostly on my own. That is not to say I do not have a support system, but I’m the only person primarily responsible for the life floating around in me right now and that’s ok. In fact that is not scary, but rather emboldening. Whether this little bit is a boy or a girl I want them to know they are special and unique and what is acceptable treatment of others and what is not so really I am just getting the opportunity to teach a new life how to be awesome. I love to teach and that thought alone lets me know it will be ok.