It is nearing the end

robin Williams

My 25th year brought with it many changes, and surprises and shocks. The year 2014 was a hell of a ride. Robin Williams is gone from this world. The final Hobbit movie just came to theaters. Ebola was a real thing in America for about a minute. I still don’t know what ISIS stands for. My brother found a girlfriend. My sister quit her biggest bad habit. I got an apartment. I found out I actually can reproduce. I’m having a baby. I’m having a little boy named Carl Markus. I spent 3 1/2 months primarily visiting with a toilet throwing my guts up every day…by myself. I still get sick occasionally. For the first time in my life I discovered what it felt like to have a little alien inside me kicking my bladder. I haven’t yet lost my sense of humor. Just wait though, I haven’t gone through labor yet.

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While 2013 kind of sucked, 2014 was just the year of new discoveries. I ran a successful children’s Summer program from scratch to the end with very little idea of what I as doing. I got my first tattoo this year. Before this baby I was saving up for number two. Obviously that is being postponed. I’ve made a few new friends this year. I have completely alienated a few old friends. I’ve let a lot of animosity go that I was previously holding onto. It must be the pregnancy hormones, but I seem to be incapable of holding a grudge right now. This year I worked my butt off with Children’s Ministry, craft fairs and shows, side jobs, and trying to keep my head above water. I stopped writing for a few months, for several reasons. I’ve started writing again with a ton of new goals and hopes and dreams.

What I learned this year is that no matter what happens in this life we must keep moving. Keep dreaming. Keep building. Keep growing. And never let someone else’s standard of growth or movement or dreaming be our own. I can’t count  the number of times I got bogged down in the ideas of others or how many times I was told I wasn’t doing something the “right” way this year or how many times I was told I needed to make change A, B or C. I suppose some of that can be due to the fact that I underwent several life changes this year and everyone wants to offer advice. The rest can be attributed to the communal advice column we as a society like to pass on to anyone carrying around a fetus.

I really hope I can look back on 2014 and see all the positives and remember that I am the only one who has to answer for and live with my decisions. I hope you all had an awesome year.

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