Welcome to the Labor Class

Tonight was our first Birth/Labor/Lamaze class. I’ve read about these classes and what to expect, but I must say actually being in the class is much different than just reading about it. Steven and I are probably going to be those super involved scary parents because while there were several couples there due in March, one in February and one even at the end of this month we were the only ones due in May and there was no one due in April. I figured this was just one thing we could go ahead and get out of the way and so did he so we signed up after the first of the year according to the basic schedule we had mapped out before. Wow…that even makes us sound anal retentive. Anyway just in case you are out there and like me want to research and read about every little aspect of everything to do with labor I am going to spend the next few weeks highlighting my grand birthing class adventures.

There were about a dozen of us in the class, six or seven pregnant ladies and their various and diverse partners. As bad as this probably sounds Steven and I went into the class with a game in mind. We were looking for the “baby having a baby”, “alcoholic/meth head”, “just getting out of or going into rehab” and the “repeat offender”. I’m pretty sure we found them all. Yeah, welcome to being a cops wife. Its an absurd sense of humor. The class started out pretty standard, everyone was asked to introduce themselves and I am sure no one will remember the name of the person next to them by next week. After that we toured the L and D floor which I for some reason expected to come later, but I am really glad they went ahead and did that.

birth

When we got to the laboring room, and granted it is a fairly plain room, but one of the mothers complained about the decor….and all I could think was “who cares about the way the room looks when you are pushing a baby out of your vagina”…I mean really. Who gives a shit? Apparently this lady did. She actually asked if they could come in and redecorate the room before she gave birth. Other than that hilarious experience the instructor showed us the various rooms and the Nursery and all the fancy tricks the bed will do when you are laboring. It was good to familiarize myself with the environment before hand. That took a while and after that we got to watch a 20 minute video on birthing…a graphic video…with all sorts of lovely sights and sounds.

In order to help prepare us for writing a Birth Plan the instructor handed out about 20 cards with terms on them like Episiotomy, Episiotomy with tearing, Induction, Enema, Healthy Baby, Narcotics, Epidural, Birth Bar, Birth Ball, Walking, Laying Flat, Sitting, Crouching, Pitocin etc…She asked us to pick 5 we could live without. Mine were Episiotomy, Episiotomy with tear, Birth Ball, Induction, and Enema I think (though I will probably opt in for that one). Then we were asked to pick 5 more we could live without and I don’t even remember what I picked. Finally we were asked to pick two most important things…. Every other woman in my class picked Healthy Baby and Family Support….I’m over here in the corner with Healthy Baby and Epidural. I prefer to think of myself as just really honest. Then we got a 10 minute presentation on enema’s. All in all it answered or confirmed a few questions I had such as “Will the baby be able to stay with me in the room?” I had been told that the answer was yes but I wanted it confirmed. Next week we learned about natural birthing techniques and pain management. Woot.

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6 thoughts on “Welcome to the Labor Class

  1. Love the humor in this! If there’s any book that you are going to read before you have a baby, it’s this one: The Business of Baby: What Doctors Don’t Tell You, What Corporations Try to Sell You, and How to Put Your Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Baby Before Their Bottom Line, by Jennifer Margulis.
    Even if you’re not super earthy-crunchy (crazy?) like me, it’s a must-read, imo.
    And, of course, congrats on the baby. It’s going to be awesome. :O)

    Like

  2. Pingback: Labor Class Part 4: I’ve birthed it…now what? | The Creative Ginger Tree

  3. Pingback: Labor Class: A Summary | The Creative Ginger Tree

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