Steven and I bundled up and headed out into the cold beyond. We actually left early enough this time that we had time for a Rivertown hot chocolate run (I was being good). That was probably the highlight of the evening. We got to the classroom first, about 10 minutes early. My sentiments haven’t changed much. I’m not sure if it is that classroom, the floor, or that hospital in general but while I am not afraid of hospitals that one is just sort of unpleasant. I think it is because the lights are always dimmed…I don’t like it. I get that they are probably going for some sort of ambience, a sort of soothing environment. It just does nothing for me. Anyway, our instructor was late, the room was unbearably warm and the really full by the time everyone came in. Somehow we had more people than last week.
The topic for the first half was support partner roles. Basically don’t piss her off mid labor and if she tells you she hates your guts she “doesn’t really mean it”. Personally I think in that moment if I say it I probably mean it, but I will shortly get over it. Always ask permission to touch your partner. Maybe that will be relevant at the time but all I could think was “Damn, I bet you did more than touching to end up in a lamaze class” so really it seems a little late. All in all we have a rather sweet natured instructor, and she is an L&D nurse on the floor. She went over massage techniques, which considering that Steven went through clinicals he is already fairly familiar with. I did get a chuckle out of one couple where instead of the husband practicing on the wife, the wife was practicing on thee husband. To each their own I suppose.
After this interesting experiment in public touching, which my husband handles so much better than me; Apparently sometime in the last few years I got over that urge, we tried out birth balls. Now I will admit to some prior skepticism about the ominous looking little ball. All I could think every time I looked at it was that I was going to feel awfully funny trying to get off the floor. After trying the round one however I think it might actually be useful for distraction up until the point I decide I’ve had enough and it is time for the epidural. My goal is to make it 6 centimeters. After that I will feel like I put up a good fight…now give me the drugs. I did not realize that there were two different types of birth balls. Apparently there is a round one, which you normally see, and an egg shaped thing. The egg shaped one is clearly only for midgets. I could sit on it fairly comfortably, but I am 5’4”. Anyone taller than this and even me to a degree is going to have a hard time.
The last part of the class….well I can really only describe it as an advertisement for an epidural and Venus razors. Basically it was a 30 minute video of all natural births…and I mean all natural. Birth tubs, no drugs, no razors, out slips the baby natural births. As I sit here and finish my breakfast the next day I have a brief moment of nausea. Frankly it was not for me. I get that some women love the idea of the feeling the whole experience. I am over that. I have had quite enough pain in my life, thanks. At one point mid video I started laughing because all I could think was “Hmm…I wonder if it is too late to adopt.”
I did learn something important from the night, they don’t put the catheter in until after the epidural.
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Also if you missed the first part of my labor class adventure you can find them here.