Yeah. The title fairly accurately describes my week 33 panic. I am 42″ inches around. I have gained over 30lbs. I feel like the good year blimp. All I want to do is eat snickers bars and chocolate covered pretzels. And I have to push thoughts of labor out of my hear every few minutes. Honestly I figured by now I would be stir crazy to have this kid. Turns out I am pretty happy to wait a few weeks, even though I am physically miserable and humungous. I can deal with that. I am not quite ready for labor and then bringing little bits home with me.
The intellectual part of my brain knows that I am prepared to care for an infant. I can probably even do a pretty good job. The rest of me wonders how they can just let babies go home with people. No prep. No book. No nothing. Just “Here’s a baby, make sure the car seat is in the car right”. That’s a bit scary to me, but I suppose that is normal. When he finally gets here I am sure I will calm down. Nothing is ever as bad as we make it in our head…except maybe labor…but then I fully intend to have an epidural. So maybe not so bad after all. The times seems to be flying by in the last few weeks. I am told it slows down in the last few weeks. We shall see I suppose. As of today I have 43 days left until he is supposed to come squirming into the world. If he is anything like his parents he will come a week early and refuse to turn around the right way or be too big to fit through the birth canal and I will end up with a C-section anyway.
The other thing I seem to be obsessing over this week is maternity leave. I have several pages worth of lists that I want to complete before taking a break. Its kind of slow going. Hopefully I will be able to make it through them because frankly I have only a short window of time between baby and the craziness of summer series. I can’t believe how quickly things are happening. In the next few weeks I have another ultrasound, another baby shower, Maternity pictures, calling a pediatrician, getting taxes done, finishing the nursery…ahhh! Its a lot to think about, especially considering my slow largeness. Also pregnancy brain is a real thing. I think some crazy thoughts.
I’ve almost figured out sleeping I think. If I go to sleep at 9:00pm and don’t allow myself to have a nap in the day, as hard as that is, then I mostly sleep through the night. I’ve managed that the past couple of days though I know that not napping is not always going to be an option. I am way too sleepy during the afternoons. Perhaps I might even somehow waddle myself into my hammock for a nap today.