I’ve always been a morning person. When I was little, maybe 4 or 5, I remember getting up at the crack of dawn and watching my dad get ready for work. He was a mason at this point in life and they left for work before sun up so that they could work during the coolest part of the day because in Mississippi even the cold days aren’t usually so cold that manual labor is a breeze. He would make coffee, and I don’t mean a mug of coffee like I am drinking right now, I mean a 32 ounce huge plastic cup of coffee. It was always the neatest thing to me. I loved the smell. Back then I was in a prek program and I could have been sleeping, most kids that age can barely get out of bed when it is time, but I was weird. Still am. Things change and life moves along so these days I get up at an awful hour to pump so that my sweet little man can have what he needs and I have some time to do the things I enjoy like writing and crafting and whatever else that makes me, well me.
I haven’t been a mom very long, but in the grand scheme of things I think the best parents don’t become consumed by their children. I don’t mean this in the cannibalistic fashion. I think you have to have a separate identity. As my old friend Carl Gebhardt would say, you have to wear several hats. I’m a mom, but I am also really good at my job, and I am a maker, and a writer, and a wife and a daughter and a sister. I don’t want to lose sight of those things. If I did I think I wouldn’t be as good of a mom. I’ve seen so many parents, and in my various jobs and Steven’s we have had the opportunity to observe a lot of parents. Some of these parents focus entirely and their identity is tied to their child. Everyone parents differently but I really believe this is a mistake. Do we want our children to be just one thing? Of course not! So why would we show them that as the example? I want Carl to be the greatest little human he can be. I work with him every single day to teach him things, and make sure he is happy and healthy and growing and I try to be the best mom I can be. A part of that is making sure I can still find myself.
I wont pretend it isn’t a struggle. I have been functioning on 4-6 hours of sleep, and not all together either, broken into short naps usually, for at least six months because even in the womb little man could keep me awake. That makes a person a little batty. They say nap when the baby naps and sometimes I do that but usually I don’t. Instead I tend to get up and do housework or work from home or unpack since we just moved. There is so much to do but I try and keep in mind that there are priorities and then there are wants and I need to do what needs to be done and let some things go.
Being a parent is a new adventure. Hopefully I can do it right because this little man is too cute to mess up.