When you are pregnant they don’t tell you a lot of things. Doctors and nurses are wonderful people but they don’t really help prepare you for what it will be like, they are too busy trying to get you through the experience of pregnancy. I spent countless hours in the doctors office while I was pregnant and while he did tell me it would be amazing and unique that didn’t really prepare me for the sad feeling I get every time he grows out of a size of clothes or goes up a diaper size (like he is right now). Family and friends try to tell you but their own memories are usually so glossed with the veil of the past that they don’t remember what makes those first few months so special and wonderful.
When you bring that baby home its sweet and beautiful and he smells like all the best things in the world. He might be quiet or he might be loud but the one universal truth is that he needs you. Dads are wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but brand new babies seem to instinctively know who mom is and what they need from her. They need nourishment and even though the first hundred times they latch on will hurt like a son of a bitch you gladly endure it because it is what sustains this wonderful bundle of soft, doe eyed, sweetness someone somehow let you leave the hospital with. They need comfort and they just need you. They seem so fragile for the first few days and weeks. The chord is still hanging on and you are afraid to bump or move or even brush by it for fear of hurting them. You have to clean them, feed them, check to make sure they are breathing when they finally fall asleep, watch over them like a hawk as your family gets acquainted with them and if you are lucky you get to see them get to know their dad.
I don’t think it is a mistake they we feel so protective of them when they meet someone new. I know when Carl was very little every time someone other than myself, Steven or Faith would hold him I would hold my breath. You worked to nurture that life and then helped it into this world, now it feels like you have to control everything in his environment to keep him safe. The first moment I really realized how fleeting and incredible this experience was going to be was when he lost his umbilical chord. That was the last thing that connected him to me and it came off before I knew it. The next time was when I had to go back to work. It felt like those seven weeks literally came and went in the blink of an eye. This weekend has been another one of those moments. He will be 20 weeks old this week and I remember being 20 weeks pregnant not all that long ago. This time is fleeting and what makes it so precious is that everything changes at a more rapid pace than at any other time in life. Right now he is still making sweet baby noises but before I know it he will be talking. Right now he wants to cuddle and play and he wants my attention but before I know it he will be independent and off doing his own thing.
I am striving to enjoy these moments as much as possible because I know they wont last. Some people in his life are going to miss out on all the precious moments and look back with regrets but I am determined to be there and live it with him while I can before I blink and he is wanting a tattoo and for me to meet his new girlfriend.
Have a wonderful Tuesday.